


I've Moved Further Than I Thought I Could

by emmablackery



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-07 08:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4256829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmablackery/pseuds/emmablackery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But I missed you more than I thought I would.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Moved Further Than I Thought I Could

**Author's Note:**

> yeah.
> 
> title and description from i found by amber run

All it took for Phil to break down was hearing the laughter he hasn't heard in months. The laughter that used to brighten his world. From the person who meant everything to Phil. The laughter from the computer screen triggered something in his mind. 

Phil threw the laptop on to the couch cushion next to him. He needed to get out the room. It was closing him in. In on the feeling he had been trying to repress for so long. To not let them get the best of him, he wanted to stay strong for Dan. Dan wanted him to not be devastated over him.

That was hard for Phil lately.

Being Phil could usually hold his feelings quite well. Always trying to find the humor or beauty in anything. But the reality of the situation was, there was no beauty to be seen. There was no humor or witty saying he could think of to dwell the pain he felt in his heart. The loneliness he felt without his best friend- his soulmate, next to him. 

Tears began welling in his eyes, threatening to fall out. 

Phil tried his hardest to not let them fall, because  _fuck_ \- he's supposed to be strong. Not let things get to him. 

But he's alone now.

Phil goes towards  _his_ room and slams the door. He hasn't been in here in ages. His bed was still unmade. The top to the piano was still open from when Dan was playing piano before he left. Everything was exactly the same, and Phil hated it. 

The way it was a constant reminder of that god damn day. He wanted to forget so badly. 

Phil finally let his emotions over take him. He leaned back into the door, knees giving in. Phil sunk down to the floor and took in a deep breath. Tears finally falling down from his pale cheeks. Gasping breaths as he lets everything out. The bottle up grieving, the repressed tears, all of the hurt he feels. 

Hyperventilating, trying to get a hold of himself. His hand covering his mouth, desperately trying to get the sobbing to quiet down. He doesn't really want anyone in his apartment building to hear him. But he knows they feel pity for him. He sees the sympathetic they throw at him. 

Phil's starting to get light-headed. Knowing with him breathing too fast and too hard, he needs to calm down. But he just can't find it in himself to actual try to start to calm down. Everything he's repressed is demanding to be let out, to be felt. 

To give Phil some kind of relief. One night to where everything isn't so built up inside.

God, Phil would do anything to have Dan back. To have him back would mean the world to him, to have every feeling of guilt, grief, and loneliness go away and hold on to Dan.

Phil eventually gets to a point where he can breathe normally. Sobbing gone down to a few sniffles and tears falling, but drying on his cheeks. He doesn't get up, not yet. He's not ready. Being in Dan's room is a comfort. The way it still smells like him. His room just a reflection on everything Dan stood for. It calmed Phil down.

He still misses Dan, he misses him so badly. 

But Phil know he'll be okay eventually. And Dan will be waiting for him, with his big dorky smile, dimple on his cheek. 

Waiting to greet Phil, after all this time.

Phil will be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> i suck at endings i'm so sorry  
> pls forgive me


End file.
